her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
