If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
