I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize