you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
