Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
