I wish I could teleport
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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