YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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