the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
