Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
