I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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