I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's the barista slut.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
