I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
