I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
