Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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