Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
