Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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