You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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