i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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