y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
