just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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