You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
