im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
