Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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