Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dear god my vagina.
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