so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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