so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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