I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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