i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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