The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
