If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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