this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
