If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
