can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
