Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
