So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
