Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
