Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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