I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
