I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
