I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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