I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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