I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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