Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
