Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
