You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
