have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
