i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
