great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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