He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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