Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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