i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
