he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
