Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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