we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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