have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
