I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
