if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
