We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
