I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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