okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just want nice things and good sex
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
