I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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