Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
