Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
