she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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