She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
