Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dicks are not precious.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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