Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
