Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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