i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
