Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
