Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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