She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
