Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
