You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
