I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
